White Daisies / Blue Jeans: April 2016

Saturday, 23 April 2016

Day Five (a day late!)

Ended up being a busy bee yesterday and completely not doing Day 5. Sorry about that!

So how has it been?

Diet

So yesterday was the last day of my first week trying to improve my health once and for all. I'm really proud of how I did - but I didn't completely stick to my plan. I haven't touched a sweet potato yet (but definitely will this weekend, fries come at me!), but played around with salads and wrap recipes instead, trying things different ways.

I've had a crazy amount of avocado, in salads, on wraps - I may even try them on gluten free toast soon! I found that mixing the avocado with chopped cucumber, adding a little salt and pepper made it taste just amazing.

Gym

I went to the gym a total of 8 times, instead of 10. Thursday I took a break from my afternoon session, and Friday I did an hour walk with the 3 dogs in the afternoon instead. But I've still noticed a change in my body, although my stomach still isn't 100%, but I know that'll come with time. Since last month, I've lost 4% in body fat, which is a big achievement.

I found that the 45 minutes in the morning was great for me - but 45 minutes in the afternoon just never happened. I kept it at 20 minutes, which was plenty for me, so I'll stick to that for now and increase it as I go on.

Body

I've also noticed my body reacting to the natural foods - my nails are longer and stronger, my hair is growing faster, my skin has improved hugely. After living off cereal, my health declined quite quickly - my skin erupted, I was covered in bruises because my capillaries became week and started bursting, I was exhausted and grumpy. The only thing it was helping was keeping my stomach at bay.

This was my skin on 14 April, apologies for the picture and for the fading fake tan on my neck! My skin never breaks out like this, so it was really bad at this point.

This was my skin on 19th April - it's better, but not great. This was after 1 day of natural food eating.

This is my skin this morning - after 5 days of natural foods, dairy and gluten free.The light isn't great, but it's cleared up so much. My body is clearly loving all the fruit and vegetables it's getting, natural fats, no processed foods, plenty of water and exercise. It really does make a huge difference!

I won't say the entire experience has been easy. I've found it difficult not counting calories, both with food and in the gym. But it does make me feel better when I don't do it. There have also been some days when my stomach has been really bad, and I'm not sure why, but it has been easier for me to monitor my food intake. And going to the gym eased it, which is a great thing to know.

But I've let my blood sugar drop too low, which has affected my sleep. So I'm learning how to keep that balanced through the day, so I don't have slumps where I just want to crawl into bed and stay there.

I've also still been weighing myself and looking at numbers, which isn't good for me to do all the time, so I'll need to phase it out.

But there have been great things. I've been experimenting more with my meals, trying foods I've never tried. I've got back to drinking plenty of water a day, I've had more energy when I've focused on my blood sugars.

It's only one week so far, but it's looking good. No gym this weekend! Plenty of fruit, vegetables, walks, meditating and relaxing.

What are you up to this weekend?

Thursday, 21 April 2016

Day Four

Another late post. I'm such a bad person! I also complain more than usual, so this is your *PRE-READ WARNING* to get out while you still can!

A late post today as I've been trying to keep my brain as busy as humanly possible. I've been out of sorts today, anxious, fiddly, unsure of exactly where to put myself. I felt a bit like I imagine boyfriends feels whilst they hold their girlfriends bags outside changing rooms. Like I didn't quite belong, even though I'd been invited.

I went to the gym as usual, and did my 45 minutes (woohoo!) and felt instantly good when I walked out the door. I had my lunch, then sat down to figure out my day when the uncertainty plonked itself on my shoulder. I decided, instead of letting it rule me for the day and winding up in bed with Netflix, a hot water bottle and a head full of doubts, that I'd clean my room. Unclean rooms make me feel uneasy at the best of times, so I set out to sorting out my clothes, make up, books, DVD's (who even has DVD's anymore?) and organised my stuff.

I hoovered, mopped, moved things round and I felt exactly the same as before. Moody. Concerned. So much so that my afternoon gym session got kicked out of the window, which I'm really disappointed with. It meant I was hard on myself for not going and so the thought of eating made me even more anxious.

Gosh, I'm whining a lot. These changes make me feel strange. I know once I get used to the routine it'll make me feel much better, but I do yearn for takeaway food and slobbing sometimes.

How was your day? Do you ever get in "funks" like this? What helps?

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Day Three

Good evening, my little love bugs.

This is a mega late post - I've been a busy little bee tonight, finding things to make me super happy. Also caught up with some people I haven't spoken to in a while, which was lovely.

I pushed myself harder today, which felt amazing. 40 minute run this morning, 20 minute stepper. Then my work out later in the day has left my dizzyingly sore! But it feels good.

Just a huge shame that my stomach, all day, has been awful. I'm not sure if my body can handle how much fruit and veg I'm putting into it - it's craving processed foods and E numbers, but I'll battle through it, like the brave little toaster I am. I also don't think it helps that I ate quite late last night - I'll need to eat earlier, to see if that helps. Process of elimination!

I also had a lovely chat with my mum, who made me feel a bit better about my current state of mind. It's difficult, because at times like this I feel mentally good. Strong, capable and positive. But there's always that cloud that I feel is waiting, nagging at me, begging me not to have a rice cake because it's extra calories!

I also had a chat with some people in the same position as me work wise - stressed, unhappy, unsure what to do. It's heart breaking when people you care about are pushed to their limits - I want to help, but I've not even been able to sort myself out!

At the moment I'm just grateful for the positive people I have around me.

Day 3, done.

Bring it on, day 4!

Keeping your Booty in the Gym

I think we'll all agree that the most difficult things about the gym are getting there and staying there. It's so easy to talk ourselves out of that gym session, whether we're lying in bed or in work. It's easier to find a thousand reasons not to go, than the few simple reasons to go.

I used to think of everything. I walked around the office a lot today, I probably don't even need to go. I have only eaten a sandwich. I'll definitely go tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll smash that gym up like I've never done it before! Until it actually gets to tomorrow, then the excuses start all over again. So here are a few tips I can think of that may help!

Think about why you're doing it

The best advice I can give is one I had from an old friend. He was in the Army, and during those horrible months on tour, he would dread the exercise, the walking, anything in those horrible conditions. He then realised that he didn't actually have a choice - and that made things so much easier. He had to do it. The moment he realised there was no option, it was much easier to get up and go.

I've realised that I do it because now I really don't have a choice. If I want my health to improve, I have to go. And if I want to feel more relaxed, less stressed, then I have to go. It really won't happen any other way.

So why do you go?

Entertain yourself while you're there

The best thing I ever did was start watching Netflix at the gym. I used to love music, but when a song would end, I'd be picky about what would keep me going next, and end up feeling a bit deflated.

With Netflix, I challenge myself to watch a full episode whilst I'm running. It really does give you reason to stay, and also helps timing if you're not sure how long you've actually been there (when I try to convince myself I've been there for 40 minutes when it's actually only been 5!).

I've started watching The Divided on Netflix, which is between 43-45 minutes per episode. And it's fantastic as well. So I don't let myself watch an episode outside of the gym, I'm buzzing to go the next morning to find out what happens next!

Get a buddy

This can be a game changer for people who really can't master the first step. Sometimes, it's just too difficult to get off your butt and go - we've all been there. So if you have someone you go with, you tend to find on the days you don't want to go, they do! And vice versa.

You can push each other to do well. And it's also nice to gossip on the treadmills, am I right?

Be positive

This kinda links into the first tip. Make the reason you go to the gym a positive reason. It's very easy to fall into the trap of "I want to lose a stone in a week!". And when you go the gym once or twice, and you're not magically Jennifer Lawrence, you can feel a bit defeated. Don't let that put you down or make you want to quit.

Set yourself goals, realistic goals, and when you hit them - be proud of yourself. And more importantly, never ever punish yourself. Punishment will not make you go back to the gym or make you want to work harder. I used to do this all the time, and sometimes I still do - if I don't go, if I have that extra bit of food, I would punish myself mentally. And guess what? It makes things worse.

Be proud of every achievement. Be proud that you went to the gym. And always leave with a spring in your step.

What are your tips for going and staying in the gym? Tell me your stories!

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Day Two

Last night was really bad, anxiety wise. It's horrible when you feel absolute dread about something when it hasn't happened. I tried to figure out what has made me panic, but I'd had a lovely night watching TV with my mum and dad. Nothing remotely dramatic had happened. Unless you count the parrot dive bombing at my mum. But that was more funny than dramatic.

So with some encouraging words from the best friend (she also offered to call me and make soothing whale noises down the phone, which I declined at the time - but I'll need to cash in that offer at some point), and after listening to my meditation tape, I felt better.

I slept well, really deeply. But it didn't take long to remember how anxious I'd felt. Which then brought more anxiety. Ugh. So I got up, made breakfast and a cup of tea and then went to the gym. I ate really well, my hummus rice cakes were a good snack, then a ham, chicken and avocado salad and pretty much the same for tea.

I read an article in Cosmopolitan today that said that avocado's can help your anxiety - bonus! It helps that they're amazing. I'm also avoiding caffeine as much as possible (although I miss Starbucks more than I can even describe, that place is my church). Pretty much everything that triggers off the pain in my stomach also triggers off my anxiety, so this plan can only do me good.

t's just a shame that a lot of conversations yesterday have made my feelings a little raw. Although saying a little raw made me think of a tiny dinosaur, so that's pretty amusing.

Onwards and upwards? Bring on Day 3. Deep breath.

Monday, 18 April 2016

Day One!

Oh, hi there!

I'm sure you're dying to know how my first day went. Did I succeed? Did I fail? Well, I'll tell you. Grab your popcorn.

My day started by heading to my doctors to have a very honest conversation about my anxiety. After an embarrassing amount of tears and some confessions, I did feel better. He has been my doctor since I was barely out of nappies, and has always been very honest with, sometimes even when it can hurt! I realised I need to drastically change my thinking method, and I'm on my way to that.

But, back to the food. And the gym. The schedule was a bit skewed, as I had my doctors at 9:20 and then dashed home to take some tablets to help my stomach (it was acting up something chronic today). Then I headed off to the gym, for a 35 minute jog/run and 10 minutes on the cross trainer, whilst binge watching Netflix (I love watching Netflix in the gym, the time flies!).

I then headed off to Aldi and ASDA to pick up the food for my new plan. Unfortunately, due to the time it took to get everything, I missed breakfast, which I was gutted about. I was very excited about the soy and porridge combination, but alas, tomorrow will bring that!

I got home and was excited to try my rice cakes, but nervous to have a proper meal. I know that sounds ridiculous, but when eating makes you ill, it becomes a nerve wracking thing to face. Sometimes I'm fine to eat, and will do happily, but other times it brings huge anxiety. Today was one of those days.

So I had some rice cakes with hummus and ham, which was amazing. A few hours later, I had 3 strawberries on 2 plain rice cakes, with some honey. Not a lot, but it felt enough at the time!

Then at 3:30, I headed off to the gym again, and probably due to the lack of breakfast had limited me and I only managed a 25 minute resistance session. But I still got in squats, press ups, sit ups and some burpees!

Tea was amazing! I cut open my first avocado (I'm a natural at it, of course!) and mashed up half an avocado with diced cucumber and salt and pepper. I then put it on a whole meal wrap, with some dairy free mayonnaise, and chicken. Amazing!

My stomach is still bubbling away as I type, probably the last bits of pain from my tummy this morning, so we'll see if this works. Fingers crossed it does.

The start of an uphill struggle. It's difficult when you finally have to face something that's plagued you for a long time, but I'm going to stay focused.

Have you suffered from anxiety when it comes to food? IBS? Tell me your experiences and what you did or are doing to change it!

Sunday, 17 April 2016

McDonalds to McHealthy...? Sorry. Poor name.

I'm figuring that by now you realise that I'm not only a chronic complainer (sorry about that) but also that I suffer badly with what is most likely IBS.

Over the years I've loaded my body up with the worst food imaginable, to the point where I was eating 3 McDonalds a DAY (I wish that was an exaggeration!), and I was pretty much known as the "fast food girl". My car is regularly littered with KFC bags, Subway wrappers and chocolate bars - I'm honestly keeping the fast food business afloat by myself.

In January 2015 I was hovering at around 10 stone 4 pounds. Which when you're 5"2, isn't great. I also have an hourglass figure, so I can say pretty confidently that a lot of the fat sat around my booty. Beyonce was right; I was not ready for that jelly.

I tried going to the gym, but I was surrounded by bad food and I'd always fall off my plan. I'd even convince myself that Chinese food wasn't that bad - it's just noodles and sauce, right? Then I'd suddenly have 2-3 month spurts of enthusiasm. I'd smash the gym, I'd eat right, then I'd fall off the wagon again.

It was after a break-up last year that, during the usual break up stress, I lost a lot of my weight. Mainly because I was living off one meal a day, a constant anxious wreck about everything changing around me. (I hate change!) I'm embarrassed to admit, took up more poor eating habits, desperate and worried about how I looked. I was terrified of putting the weight back on and avoided food as a result. Then when I did eat - it'd be more fast food. It's not healthy, physically or mentally, to put yourself through that kind of diet plan.

Over the last few months, there's been more change in my life. Personal upheavals, stress at home and never-ending pressures at work, and too much bad news to count. This is when the IBS flared up and this is where I am currently. A cross roads. *Pause for dramatic music.*

I've realised that I can't make small changes and expect a big result. Drinking peppermint tea and avoiding dairy (which has been my life since November), isn't working. Neither is living off cereal, which if anything, is damaging my body.

I've written out a plan for food and for exercise that I need to stick by, if I ever expect to live a life where I'm not running to the bathroom, experiencing spasms and pain in my stomach or feeling sick. I'm hoping the diet (although I hate to call it that, it's more of a structured food plan) will help the physical issues and the gym will help calm my anxiety, which flares up the problems even more than chocolate does.

The problem with food for me is that I'm incredibly lazy - it's so much easier to pay £6 for a KFC meal deal than to go home and cook a meal. So I've tried to make the plan as basic as I can, without it becoming so boring that I stray.

Here it is. I'm hoping I won't break down on the first day and eat a McFlurry.

(Note! I'll be aiming to go to the gym twice a day in a bid to beat down my anxiety. I'm an extremely anxious person, which is a huge contributor to my IBS, so I need to get a handle on that and exercise makes me feel good!)

Inspiration: I took a lot of ideas from Scarlett's Blog, as she experienced a lot of the same issues that I'm currently having and this worked. Although she says she isn't a professional when it comes to nutrition etc, her posts have been hugely helpful to me!

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Stress - And All That Comes With It

So, apparently, I'm stressed.

Who knew it?

Apologies for my return post being so spectacularly grey. Some things just need to be said out loud!

I've been struggling with stomach issues, badly, since November last year (although looking back over most of my life, there's always been issues). So in an effort to feel better, I selectively cut things out of my diet and found that dairy free fixed it all - hooray! I was saved. Back to life, but with soy. I can do this.

Only, it wasn't exactly fixed. And just under 2 weeks ago, it started again. But worse. The painful tummy, the sickness, the exhaustion. I found myself crawling into bed with a hot water bottle and a fear of meals again.

Unfortunately, my brain doesn't function like a proper adult yet (I'm almost there...I swear!) and my solution was "Hey, I'll just live off cereal!" Turns out, your body needs more than soy milk and Special K. Who knew?

It was after another doctors appointment that it was linked to stress - stress? I know I have a stressful job, but I'm 25 and I'm hearing the term "burnt out"? How is that even possible? But it did make sense. So here I am again, off work, waiting for my third gastro appointment and a camera down my throat for inspection. Goals.

The problem is, my entire life I've been an extremely anxious person. If I brush past you in the hallway and didn't say hi in the brightest, nicest way possible - you best believe I'll dwell on that shit for days, until I know for absolute sure it hasn't made you hate me. And then probably once more in 8 years time, when my brain does a re-run of "Annoying Shit Kayleigh's Done!".

So the thought of being off work, again, ties me up in knots. Even typing this, my heart is racing, I feel sick and I'm yanking out my eyebrows (I've successfully removed most of my right eyebrow over the last few months, thank God for pencilling them in) and I feel like I could be sick. And I know it isn't my fault, I know that this stress is making a problem flare up and that is not healthy, but gosh, do I have time to dwell or what?

This is then making my anxiety worse, causing more stress, and leading to an sleepless night, an early 5am start with thoughts I can't rationalise. And an entire day in bed with my pains again.

It all seems to be an endless circle, something I need to get control of, and I know I will but I'd really like to know when. It doesn't help that my gym sessions have dwindled, because my bones/muscles ache, my body is tired and needs proper food.

I just need to get a grip, get a routine, cut down on my foods (sensibly) and pray that this camera isn't as bad as it sounds. Wish me luck, eh?

Have any of you guys suffered with stress or stress related illnesses? What helped you?

White Daisies / Blue Jeans